This came to me moments ago. Perhaps my mind's way of justifying holding off on my C programming homework, but I was struck, hard by this and I really needed to write. I was designed to be different. I realize our parents and teachers tell us that we are "special" and our differences make us "unique", but tonight I felt a surge within me, like something not of myself.
I have always stood out from my peers, never feeling as though I fit in with my friends or family. From my initials to my upbringing, I've simply been on permanent sore thumb status. It didn't trouble me until my early twenties. I guess I hit some identity crisis or the nearly dying from the allergic reaction, which ever. As I near 30, I've been trying to regain the carefree spirit I embodied as a youth. I didn't care what anyone thought of me and I did what felt right to me, not what society expected of me. I do understand it is difficult to live with childlike enthusiasm with very adult worries and responsibilities, but I had adult worries when I was 10 yrs old. Coping with the difficulties, challenging but not more than I can handle.
What got me writing tonight was this indescribable feeling that washed over me tonight. I was thinking about how important my middle initial is to me and how I really didn't have a reason why. I've heard the "God has a plan for you" speech before, but for some reason tonight... tonight I felt something resonate through me. I need to prepare myself to be used by the Lord. Granted I have zero idea how to prepare seeing as how I don't know what he is going to use me for exactly, but I am going to keep on this path. I will continue to make plans with my education and career until I feel as though He is telling me otherwise.
I finally feel like I am going to right way. Finally on the right path. I feel good. Now I just need to get some health insurance so I can afford to get the medicine that keeps me from be soooo forgetful. Maybe school will be a little easier.
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